Shine Your LIGHT
The light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome the light Gospel of St. John 1:5.
As I write this post the property on which I’m residing for a time looks similar to this photograph taken years ago. The image reminds me that there is always light even though we may not feel its warmth or even see it.
During the past year I’ve been enrolled in a program requiring study, research, and group discussions on spirituality. It has shaken my worldview regarding a number of issues from loss, including death to re-birthing ourselves in the aftermath and finding joy in between some of it. Often I’ve felt left in the dark with more questions and groping for more answers than I could ever imagine. To say the time has been challenging is an understatement and yet in all fairness the potential for growth has been abundant with moments of peace, joy, and vitality in my questing.
An unanticipated result of the experience is that I’m no longer who I thought I was and I find myself seeking opportunities and creative endeavors that are life-affirming and nourishing; experiences which I had not considered previously. To say that I’m in the midst of a transformation is noteworthy as it may be one of the most important stages in my personal and spiritual growth journey.
For sure, it has required a lot of self-care and returning to practices that had become dormant in my too busy past lifestyle. In particular one practice needing renewal that exists to calm and restore my nervous system to equilibrium has become critically important to my well-being. I realize that every time I allow myself to take comfort in the star and fetal position movement practice I re-discover an immense inner power and from there align courage with love against the daily onslaught of fear, lies, and destruction. After a handful of foldings and unfoldings — done very slowly—I’m able to do as Rainer Maria Rilke suggests:
Let everything happen to you, Beauty and terror.
More so now than ever before, I find myself wondering who I am and what I’m doing here, right now; in this time in history. Ancient questions reverberate through my system. How do I discern my relationship to all that is happening around me and in the world? On information overload, how do I reduce the ramifications of the influx of confusion and negativity taking up space? Initially, it might seem that all the prayers and contemplative practices may have failed me, but in my heart I know that is not so and I am affirmed by the words of James Baldwin:
It is perfectly possible — indeed, it is far from uncommon — to go to bed one night, or wake up one morning, or simply walk through a door one has known all one’s life and discover, between inhaling and exhaling, that the self one has sewn together with such effort is all dirty rags, is unusable, is gone: and out of what raw material will one build a self again? The lives of [humans] — and therefore, of nations — to an extent literally unimaginable, depend on how vividly this question lives in the mind. It is a question which can paralyze the mind, of course; but if the question does not live in the mind then one is simply condemned to eternal youth, which is a synonym for corruption.
The practice of the star and the ball is my way of getting into my body — the core and center of my being. Once in a ball I roll to one side, feeling the breath and then unfold onto my back into a star (arms wide behind the head and legs shoulder-width apart on my back; preparing to do the same on the other side, by drawing the knees toward the chest and heart initiated from the navel. As a dancer I revel in the kinesthetic relationship of body to ground, not having to hold myself up, more like being held in the entire process of movement and pausing, with the whole process probably taking less than 5 minutes. There’s a profound sense of comfort in moving in and out of these positions.
Renewing this practice after 20+ years has changed my body chemistry, affirming my faith in the wholeness of aligning with the divine. There’s a sense of safety in moving in and out from the core of my being.
Perhaps, like me decades ago you find it silly to be rolling on the floor like a two year old, and that’s okay, it’s not for you as it wasn’t for me then. From my experience, the relationship of mind to body, earth to heaven, inner work to outer functioning is essential for life on this earth. I get motivated and enthralled in the experience of groundedness found after just a few minutes of consciously identifying my center and I can say with Howard Thurman:
How good it is to center down.
There is a growing unsettling as we engage in the chaos through which we are all living. But there are also numerous tools to help us navigate and discern truth. I do my spiritual exploration mainly through my body — movement, contemplation, and writing. You may have other methods that support your individual lifestyle. One thing is for certain, to preserve the goodness, beauty, and truth through which all may benefit it is important to identify ways “to center down” to maintain our personal integrity outside the habitual ‘mob’ mentality.
For encouragement I turn to Adam Bucko:
In the end, all we have is our integrity. So let us stand in it, grounded in the One who renews us each moment and calls us to a nonviolent witness of love—one that is big enough to hold both our friends and our oppressors . . .
And know that within us a deep well of hope exists where the Divine resides with or without us.