Self-Respect: A Charism of Sustainability
There is in every person an inward sea, / And in that sea is an island / And on that island there is an altar / And standing guard before that altar is the “angel with the flaming sword.” / “Nothing can get by that angel to be placed upon that altar unless it has the mark of your inner authority.” / “Nothing passes the angel with the flaming sword’ / to be placed upon your altar unless it be a part / of ‘the fluid area of your consent.’” /This is your crucial link with the Eternal. —Dr. Howard Thurman (1900-1981)
Here we are in another turbulent era— perhaps more critical than ever before — faced with the necessity of tapping into the power of inner authority. It is in the haven of hope and maturity where we see with the eyes of some One with a vision beyond our limited sight, we feel with a heart resounding in deep compassion for everyone, and we listen with ears attuned to forgiveness, nonjudgment, and understanding.
Of course, the easy way out of the constant turmoil and hatred is to blame and shame others for our present condition of unrest, hostility and anger; but surely we’ve done enough of that! In our more lucid moments we know that some of the issues we are facing are within us; with our lack of self-love and nurturance, humility and empathy, reconciliation and kindness, as well as our inability to identify and honor the angel with the flaming sword.
I’m inclined to share a few stories of people who demonstrated the charism of self-respect for me, but specifically my grandmother on my father’s side stands out as a stellar example. By the time I arrived in her life, she had raised two children (my father and his sister Marie). There was a presence she exuded that in my youth I could not name or have a need to because just being in her presence was pure joy and life-affirming.
While I wasn’t around my grandmother a lot, what I observed in her presence was a sustaining attitude of self-care and self-respect; but even more so care for others. It was such a penetrating sensation that as I’m reflecting upon her I would have to say that she was engaged in soul care. Both my grandparents were stewards of humility and generosity, but especially because of her divine feminine essence I was drawn to my grandmother and I recognized that trait of goodness even though as a child I had no name for it.
Her demeanor was generous not necessarily with things or gifts but with self and something unknowable that floats in my memory now as if it were yesterday. Her example suggests the kind of elder I hope to grow into for no other reason then the capacity to express genuine compassion toward everyone.
She was a tall, slender, soft-spoken woman, who carried herself with elegance and beauty. Mostly, I remember our meals with her and my grandfather, aunt and uncle when we were piled into the car for an hour drive from Columbus, OH to Mt. Vernon, OH for holiday feasts. Not only were we greeted with the scents of a home-cooked meal, but also with hugs and a flourishing of joy as we each attempted to share our children’s stories at the same time! After settling in, at dinnertime I was awarded the honored task of setting the table (yes, finest china, cloth table covering and napkins, properly set silverware) for 10 people, as well as additional plates set aside for any number of guests who might wander in while we were eating. There was always more than enough for anyone hungering for a good meal, conversation, and love.
My grandparents were not wealthy, but they were rich in many other ways. In their simplicity and respectful language; in eye contact and listening capacity; the tone and musicality of their voices, their gestures of openness and freedom, the regal carriage of their bodies that represented self-respect. Even after toiling in the kitchen for hours, perhaps early preparations days before— at dinnertime, the apron came off and my grandmother twisted her waist length silver plait up into a bun at the nape of her neck which elicited a freshness of spirit and beauty. I really loved those family gatherings where inner joy flowed out and claimed precedence over any worldly trauma, past or present.
At mealtime, we joined our hands in prayer for all that we were experiencing — divine grace!
Reflecting on womanhood, the divine feminine, grace, self-care, and the power of women I close with the original Mothers’ Day Proclamation by Julia Ward Howe, 1870.
Arise, then…women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts, whether our baptism / be that of water or of tears! / Say firmly: We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. / Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not / be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience. We, / women of one country, will be too tender of those of / another country to allow our sons to be trained to / injure theirs.
From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up / with our own. It says: Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder / is not the balance of justice. / Blood does not wipe out dishonor, / nor violence vindicate possession. As / men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the / summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of council.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead. / Let them then solemnly take / council with each other as to the means whereby the / great human family can live in peace, each bearing / after his own kind the sacred impress, not of Caesar, / but of God.
In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I / earnestly ask that a general congress of women, / without limit of nationality, may be appointed and held / at some place deemed most convenient, / and at the earliest period consistent with its objects,
to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the / amicable settlement of international questions, / the great and general interests of peace.