RE-Imagining Ourselves
To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and others. Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel beneath the pretense. —bell hooks
At a distance the blue heron in the image looks real. Its brightly colored body contrasting with the greenery and red brick wall behind it; you are drawn in by its beauty. But as you walk closer you realize the bird is not real. It is only a representation of something in nature that is real. The representation can’t ever become real itself.
In that wisdom, for us to become real requires loving ourselves into wholeness. The work of personal and spiritual growth pushes us to inner truth, if we are willing. The closer you get to your center, the more real you become. It almost seems like a fairy tale unfolding; all the new discoveries you uncover about yourself. If you are like me, you can delay that exploration for a long time.
As a dancer, kinesthetically this transformation is a fully embodied experience on a very deep and visceral level, not always pleasant and in some cases leading to states of downright denial; avoiding a pain, massaging a sore muscle, or working around the physical challenge. All these maneuvers may not necessarily be successful, but can be temporary fixes which get forgotten for awhile. That’s why body awareness is so important to our evolution; we are not just physical beings, we are spiritual as well. Dancers are particularly skilled at this practice. However, whether you are a dancer or not, the basic bodily awareness skills can be learned and studied.
I’ll admit it! The past year or so has been challenging, even before I began a course of study that required stretching my technological skills and a process of turning myself inside out with lots and lots of contemplation. I thought I knew who I was.
Often, when I’ve signed up for courses to increase my knowledge or elevate my consciousness, mid-way through I ask, “Did I sign up for this?” And the answer always comes back, “Yes!” Whether that response is real or imagined, I have to agree that somewhere along the way I probably answered “Yes!”
Transformation requires re-imagining ourselves. What’s it like to re-imagine a life or a direction that I was so sure of ? Well, it’s scary and unsettling, and not something you want to have a conversation about in the midst of the disruption. Ultimately, I’ve come to the conclusion that “letting go” and “surrender” are words that can easily be misconstrued as a once and for all experience or as buzz words because you hear them so often in religious and spiritual circles. Instead, from my experience, they are touchstones to get us over the hump of egocentric behavior.
We can go with the flow or engage in painful periods of kicking and screaming, blame and shame. Either way, God is at work if we are willing to stay the course. And I’m not admitting to being an expert!
At times, I’ve had to just pause and ask myself, “what’s going on here?” — and make sure I’m still breathing, listening for the answer! The check-in is critical as in noticing the heart was pounding so loudly — I wondered if the other person could hear it— as I had responded to a simple inquiry with more intensity than necessary, perhaps generated by anger, not necessarily relevant to the moment. In the pause, I uncovered a pile of stuff that needed attention, sometimes lots of stuff and more attention. Sometimes more attention than I felt I had time for! If I allow the pause to work its magic, in a short while I feel like a sane, calm, kind human being, again. It’s really quite amazing how a moment, a breath changes everything.
What makes us human is not our mind, But our heart, not our ability to think, but our ability to love. —Henri Nouwen
It seemed as though I had to use a lot of words and engage in a lot of experiences to express my emotional ungrounding and to arrive at or engage in the process of personal, spiritual and even artistic growth— not for approval but for self-understanding. Perhaps that is what is called spiritual maturity, if so then the process is ongoing and if we willingly participate is also life-affirming.
Everything is a doorway into your own depth. It really is. We’re just not usually taught to open the doorways and look very deeply. We’re just taught to live on the surface. —Adyashanti
And John of the Cross reminds us:
They can be like the sun, words. They can do for the heart, what light can for the field.
The tremors in the fabric of our society have been fully released. We are invited to participate in whatever way we can, even embodying the virtues of hope, joy, and peace. But more than anything else being present to our senses, our thoughts and actions is essential for truth-speaking. The minute we disengage from the deepest parts of ourselves, our inner center, we are in peril. The havoc created is not just internal, it resonates outward.
Hope is the thing with feathers / That perches in the soul - / And sings the tune without the words / And never stops at all. —Emily Dickinson