Emotion

Emotions are those states of being that make us uniquely human. Whether it is reeling high, flying like a kite because someone has said something particularly charming and uplifting to us or down in the dumps because a dark mood or experience has grasped us in a place to deep for words. We could say that at times we are controlled by our emotions. Wikipedia defines emotions as “biologically-based, psychological states brought on by neurophysiological changes variously associated with thoughts, feelings, behavioral responses, and a degree of pleasure and or displeasure.” Based on that definition it seems that we are completely controlled by our emotions. They take us for a ride and based on observation it appears that happens often in our society when people are seen screaming at each other with bulging eyes, wide mouths and pointing fingers, gesturing feverishly regardless of how irrelevant the points being made or the insanity of the remarks.

The 16th century origin of the word emotion is from the Old French emouvoie “stir up.” From Latin emouvere “move out, remove, agitate.” These further explanations make one wonder if we have any control over these eruptions into outer expression that (frankly speaking) sometimes aren’t very nice. Is this really who we are as human beings?

What if we were to step back for just a moment before our emotions positive or negative, but especially the latter got the better of us or someone else? What if we were able to pause, step into a momentary gap or breathe before launching into a full-fledged attach on someone? It seems that this different behavior would require quite a bit of self-control and presence of mind in order to acknowledge that the emotion that is stirring us is not necessarily the one we really want to express. Maybe this is what Paul is referencing when he says: “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will do, that I do not practice, but what I hate, that I do.” (Romans 7:15) I admit being in Paul’s shoes more often than desired.

According to the research of Erik Erikson, children grow through a series of developmental stages. At each stage they progress toward more responsible ways of behaving provided they have the proper guidance. So we might assume that by adulthood we would have matured to the point of behaving in a respectful manner toward other human beings and living creatures. That would mean that as we get older we would have to keep practicing how to interact in meaningful ways. It’s not necessarily automatic.

The practice would enable us to act in a responsible way as if stepping into a gap where we become the observer watching ourselves being. As the observer, we become the adult responsible for our actions, thoughts, words—and behave in a manner much like a caring parent overseeing the well-being of a child. The adult acting in present moment existence opens the door to a better understanding of who we want to be as human beings and acknowledging how our behavior affects the emotional and physical well-being of others.

In Franciscan spirituality the trait we might be searching to establish is humility, understanding that “[T]he faults that we see in others are the subject of prayer rather than of criticism. We take care to cast out the beam from our own eye before offering to remove the speck from another’s” You might wonder who has time for this kind of minutiae, analyzing every single thing we do? A short period watching the news might answer that question and cause one to entertain the idea of responding vs. reacting, because living in a diverse and transformative world in harmony is going to require self-control, self-knowledge, and self-discipline.

So what might this practice look like in real life? Imagine you are watching yourself on a big screen throughout the day and find yourself in a meeting that is not going in quite the direction you had anticipated. As the observer, you still yourself and stay very present allowing your thoughts and speech to unfold. And being aware of the behavior of others, you listen intently to what is being said, but not reacting. You stay present knowing that there is going to be a positive outcome. You participate fully during the meeting, taking notes and calmly sharing insights, ideas you had not considered beforehand. You have shifted your own desire for an outcome. You realize that in coming to a resolution, the focus is on benefits that will serve the common good of as many people as possible. The meeting concludes in a collectively positive tone with all participants being appreciated.

Too easy?! While I don’t claim mastery of this practice of observing myself, when I draw on this resource, it works every single time.