Be Not Afraid and Follow Me

Photo by Kiril Geogliev on Unsplash

for awhile I’ve been in a place of needing to make life-changing decisions, avoiding much and thinking things would get managed by the passage of time; only to discover that the work is still right in front of me, for me to do. It’s amazing the many ways I’ve managed to pass through life thinking all was fine when an eruption was brewing deep inside.

My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart. — Maya Angelou

Throughout my lifetime I’ve developed a number of ways of not dealing with what’s really important. all of them fit within the realm of EXTREME busyness. A state that is really not healthy given that it drives the body’s cortisol levels up to dangerous levels. You would think that as as dancer, I would manage myself more capably, but that has not always been the case.

In spite of meditation and periods of solitude, the over-engaged mind only took brief respites and quickly returned to habitual actions. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the work I was doing or that I didn’t get some form of satisfaction from all the little projects in which I zealously worked, but with varying manifestations of stress, I found myself more and more exhausted. But I persisted. And upon reflection, the level of avoidance of what was really important shocks me.

It was a lifestyle I would not recommend to anyone, but it is one in which so many of us find ourselves (perhaps artists more so) in attempting to merely survive and quite frankly procure recognition in a consumer-driven society. Even as things were not leaning in my favor I kept going and one day I decided that the kind of behavior I was exhibiting was not really who I was. Leaning into every opportunity sometimes indiscriminately with little discernment and with the added competitiveness was harmful to my spirit and what I was meant to bring to the universe.

This revelation did not occur over night, or maybe it did and I ignored it! But one thing is certain, when I made a commitment to the inner life, I started to realize how much was of little of value and could be released from my life and re-discovered wholeness, freedom, and a creative flow.

It was the continual seeking that allowed me to make wiser choices more in alignment with my true calling. The seeking enabled me to solicit pure joy, acknowledge the power of the little things in life, and allowed me to be stirred and sustained by gratitude and the love of God; recognizing that that was enough—the the love of God was enough. Everything seemed to flow from the acceptance of that truth.

When you know who you are, when your mission is clear and you burn with the inner fire of unbreakable will, no cold can touch your heart, no deluge can dampen your purpose. You know that you are alive. —Chief Seattle

So when I find myself looking over the end of a pier (as occasionally happens) where no next step is visible I pause, breathe, and remember the words of Talbot Mundy:

What is beyond the darkness? Some say chaos and darker night. I say sunrise.

And in the sunrise, I know that I am truly alive.